LESSONS FROM POPEYE I’ve spent many years loving Popeye the Sailor and the lessons he has taught me! One, of course, is to eat your spinach; but that is not the great one. Popeye is my favourite philosopher. It took me many years to learn his simple philosophy, "I is what I is and that’s all that I is". Think on that one a while as your saying "This guy is nuts!" By the way, I am that too. I spent too many years trying to be what other people thought I should be and not being who I really was. This "actor on a stage" life led me to a lot of places I didn’t want to go. It led me to trying to escape the false person who I had become. It took me to a very low spot in life, a spot I now call bottom. It helped make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lived irritable, restless and discontent. I wanted pleasure and I wanted it now. Today, I know that that is not who I am and not who I was meant to be. I became what others wanted and acted how they expected. I played a role I was never comfortable in and when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, life is not a joy! Can you relate? Today, I have accepted Popeye’s philosophy. To accept that I am what I am and that is just perfect for me has been a journey. Along the journey, I’ve had a lot of help and support. I have found and worked with people who have actually LISTENED to what I was saying and feeling, and have conscious contact on a daily basis as a result of this help with a power far greater than me. I’m thankful daily that I found this power within me and around me. From Hazelden: " I Am Who I Am
Sometimes we want to be someone else – anyone but who we are. We want to be someone who feels more free and at peace. We want to be someone who doesn't have to take medications day after day. We want to be free of the pain and loneliness our illness has brought us.
Thought for the Day
When I look within, I will discover that accepting myself and being myself are far more fulfilling that expected."There is hope that the same changes can happen within any person who really wants to be their authentic self and is prepared to be honest, seek help and take action. Today’s life is far more than I ever expected and being just me is all that I need to be. It is nice to be true to myself and that small quiet voice within that I now listen to a follow as best I can. Popeye, you are simple but brilliant. I would love you to share your thoughts on that, and if I can help you be your own Popeye, just ask.
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DETACHING FROM CRAP That word that sent fear into my heart-detachment. For years I did not understand how healthy detachment can be, Another thought provoking article from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his Idea Engineer. One I really needed. As I dealt with my alcohol addiction and learned about an organization called Al—anon (for those affected by alcoholics), I certainly became familiar with the term loving detachment. I began to understand this in the context Al-Anon uses it; but I have come to learn that detachment is a skill many of us, including myself, need to work on for healthy mental hygiene. From Randin Practice detachment "Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority." -- Tom Hopkins
”As our consciousness rises, our perspective becomes more and more impersonal. What does this mean?
It means we are increasingly able to view our lives and the rest of the world with detachment. This does not mean we are cold and uncaring. Rather, we are self-contained. We have well-defined boundaries and we are able to think and act objectively, clearly and responsibly.
When we have learned detachment, we do not get hooked into the thoughts and feelings of others. We are not easily upset or manipulated. We may feel compassion for others but this does not cloud our ability to choose how we think, feel and behave. We also do not need others to behave in any particular way.” "Until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will project our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective." -- Stephen Covey So how do we get our consciousness to rise to the point where we can detach? Let me assure you (and I am reasonably good at it), it requires outside help, hard work and practice. It is worth it! Want to really see yourself? Comment here on this blog.
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Talk doesn't cook rice.
--Chinese proverb I've seen many so called Chinese proverbs and never leave a Chinese restaurant without checking inside the fortune cookie. I have never seen a truer statement than the title of this blog. Talk doesn't do a lot of things, including making major changes in life. I know I tried to talk my way through change; I didn't want personal help and direction, let alone do hard work on myself!
Some of us are crazy about self-help books, inspirational tapes, and personal improvement seminars. We'll buy or sign up for anything, whatever the price, if it promises revolutionary insights or a foolproof new system. We want relief in a day and deliverance in a weekend. And we want the expert of the hour to do it for us. I couldn't tell you how many I've met and worked with; several who had the best "self-help" book and tape libraries in the world. Funny how similar the messages are (there's not much new or revolutionary) yet how without hard work, often assisted by a "coachly" push, all the information in the world changes nothing. I've got to admit, I loved the Olympics. There were some incredible performances and so many personal bests. Ever wonder how many of these were achieved by just talking or reading a book (CD, tape)? Did they just "wish" themselves to great results?
There's nothing wrong with wishing, of course. But there's a lot wrong with kidding ourselves as a way of life. Think about it: If progress could be bought, we wouldn't need to be meditating. If personal transformation resulted from collecting new ideas, we'd have been transformed long ago. Exploring is great. And looking for all the inspiration and wisdom we can find is necessary for growth. But changing is doing. All the plans and schemes for improvement put together won't change a thing if we don't put the principles into daily practice. Even catchy words are just words. There is no substitution for action. Need a prod and some push? Get a coach. Everyone needs help, needs to be heard, and helped to set and reach goals. Everyone needs ACTION.
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THINK YOUR TOUGH? Real Tough People Show Feelings Alex Karras was a hard nosed football player. In his day, if you looked up "tough" in a dictionary you might have found his picture. Alex on "tough":
We realize in the process of life recovery that those are silly and immature myths, even though we see them repeatedly on TV, on billboards, and in newspapers.
When we are told these things repeatedly, it makes an impact on us. We need to learn from others other that this is not the way we wish to live. We don't admire these attitudes, and we don't believe the stories. Truly courageous men (and women) know themselves. They have been around enough to have depth to their souls, to let themselves love, and to feel the pain of life. They know how to truly feel and externalize feelings. I don’t know how many people who have told me how tough they are and stuff their feelings inside or even more sadly, can’t even identify feelings, crack big time. Is that being tough? Are they tough or "sick"? Toughness, as Karras states, is soul and spirit and a mature mind. As a former jock and "tough" guy who always kept the stiff upper lip, I’m glad this recovery thing has taught me about feelings and has given me tools to deal with them in a healthy way. My wife tells me I now show a "feminine" side and times. Please don’t ever tell her, but I like it! Want to talk about this or other issues. I’m here!
It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.
--Alex Karras
In our culture, being a man often means being tough and not showing feelings. We were taught that "big boys don’t cry, and I’ve learned many women live by the same code. I think I grew up with a song whose key line was "laughing on the outside, crying on the inside". (Funny Little Clown).
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WHO AM I MEANT TO BE? This is a question many ask themselves, particularly at cross roads periods of their life. It is something that gets answered in the coaching process and coaching takes it one step further- and how do I get there. Many of us love quizzes, particularly those that give us instant results. Many have a great data base behind them that make the results have a fair degree of accuracy. Below is a link to a quiz Oprah recently broadcast and for those wondering "Who Am I Meant To Be?’ you'll find it interesting and the results somewhat insightful. Enjoy!
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be
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WHO AM I MEANT TO BE? This is a question many ask themselves, particularly at cross roads periods of their life. It is something that gets answered in the coaching process and coaching takes it one step further- and how do I get there. Many of us love quizzes, particularly those that give us instant results. Many have a great data base behind them that make the results have a fair degree of accuracy. Below is a link to a quiz Oprah recently broadcast and for those wondering "Who Am I Meant To Be?’ you'll find it interesting and the results somewhat insightful. Enjoy!
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be
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ARE YOU SELF-AWARE? Here we are on a Monday and another great question from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons and his Idea Engineer. If your not aware of it, coaching is all about the coach asking great questions and "leading", not telling, the client the answers. Deep inside, most of us have answers to the tough questions, we just don’t know how and where to look. Are you self-aware? If not, how do you know where you’re at and where you’re going? From Randin: Step into self-awareness "Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority." -- Tom Hopkins
Here are some different aspects of self-awareness:
- Know yourself - Explore who you are: your defenses, your blocks, your talents, your aspirations, etc.
- Accept yourself - We are at war with ourselves when we resist or deny certain aspects of who we are. Acknowledge the truth of who you are right now - the positives and the negatives. Only when we own our present reality can we change.
- Control yourself - Set clear, conscious intentions and discipline yourself to meet them.
- Express yourself - Go to your heart to identify what has meaning and purpose for you. Live your truth. Identify ways you can give back to life and be in service.
We work on each of these aspects all the time. But as our lives go through cycles, we predominantly work on one of them more than the others. Which aspect are you more conscious of lately?
Our lives improve only when we take chances ... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." -- Walter Anderson. "Adventure can be an end in itself. Self-discovery is the secret ingredient that fuels daring." -- Grace Lichtenstein Ready to find out whom you really are? Get ready to self-discover; get ready to dare!
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ON MY MIND Ever get a day when things are going on in your head and you just want to get them outside of you? For me, today is one of those days. I hate negativity and destructive criticism. I can remember the days when I was probably guilty on a regular basis of these attributes. I remember the day when the thought came into my head that if you were to look at the world through an anis, all you would see was excrement (I don’t think those were quite the words, but today I’m more genteel)! While being along way from perfect today, I think others see me, and more importantly inside of me I feel, positive and willing to make an action orientated attempt to improve things for the better. A process called life recovery and the discovery (no lets call it a renewed awareness) of a power far greater than me that has always dwelt within has changed my attitude towards life. I am humbled by the change and grateful. I honestly spend as much effort as I can in doing the next right thing and am thrilled to be making progress always mindful perfection isn’t necessary. I am a member of a 12 step group and do my thing there as best I can and in keeping with the group’s traditions. I do community volunteer work trying to use the business experiences I’ve had, particularly utilising success I’ve been a part of, to simply improve things for the "common good" of those I serve. I coach people as a "vocation" and as a passion, and have been consulting independently for 20 years and have paid the bills and raised a family. So this life recovery thing has been good for me and funny, it has been good for many I have worked with. It is nice to have some things to feel grateful about and even better when your passion and experience can be tied in to your vocation. Today I am pissed, and it is my feeling and genuine. You work hard at things and do the best you can. You do it for the right reasons and lately, it seems, all you get is negative blowback….well that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But more negativity than I can handle today. It would appear that too many people have too much time on their hands, and make a decision to put it to negative use. So if you are how you act, and you act like anis, what will your view of things be like! This blogging journaling thing is one of the tools I was taught to use to make sure my insides and outside matched in a good way. Some will relate to this ramble, some won’t. I feel better already. I do put my web site in my blogs for a reason- there are some people who get positive help from some of the things I write, and get in touch; so no apologies. Let’s see if we can focus a bit more on the positives today, and be a little less judgemental of others! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
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