HUMILITY: TOUGH CONCEPT Every time I get a good reading focused around humility, it causes me to reflect back. I can remember back to the time when I was sure humility had something to do with humiliation, and gosh knows that my life style had caused enough of that. I was not openly boastful and naturally thought I was a humble man. But give me a compliment, even the most sincerest of compliments and watch how I fumbled. It seemed like the simple response "Thank You" never crossed my mind; I always had a self-defacing response. A good reminder from a good book: Humility Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, to wonder at nothing that is doneagainst me. it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.
- Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers,p.222 Thought to Ponder . . Humility is not a station we arrive at; it's a way of traveling.
I marvel constantly at the changes that have occurred within me during the journey of recovery and I know there are more to come. It is a wonderful thing that I have been taught, to have a blessed home in myself where I can be at peace. With that being said, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be heading for Dothan Alabama for a week or so of golf and fellowship! My HP is going with me, and I will be away from my office until about March 9. We all need a break to help maintain balance.
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Have YOU Got Personal Strength?(God Thing) I ask this question for a reason. I am very interested in hearing honest and open answers from other. I am particularly interested in hearing from those who can respond without giving away a particular religious bias. For many years I have known that strength to change and to do the right thing consistently came from a source other than me. My inconsistencies in life had proven to me although I may be blessed with reasonable intellect, I was not given the power to control people, places and things; try as I might. Through a conversation with a deeply spiritual person (at a point where I was at a low), I was reminded that there was a power greater than me that could and would help if sought, all I had to do was be conscious of it, to connect. This source could restore Good Orderly Direction to my life. Something inside registered, and from that point on, my life changed. I was not alone in running the show; I was reconnected to a source of help/strength. I’ve never tried to call it anything, life experience has proved to me that it’s real and works if I stay out of the way. I was given a "gift" that day that gave me great personal strength and things like hope, serenity, fitful sleep, renewed self-esteem and confidence, answers "out of the blue" to things I found baffling, an ability to love and give unselfishly, humility, and I could go on. The amazing thing to me is that was there right along, I just needed help to find it and recognize it. Shortly there after, I was reacquainted with a great piece of prose-"Footprints in the Sand" -that helped me to understand what had happened. For those not familiar, click
www.llerrah.com/footprints.htm and enjoy! I certainly will never be called religious. I do not knock anyones beliefs or religion as long as they get benefit from them. I do however hate to see others push their own beliefs on people as the only way to connect with "Good Orderly Direction".Each of us must find a source of personal strength that is meaningful to us. For me, without finding this source, my life lacked real purposeand true happiness. Recently, after working with a client and helping him in his own search for a power greater than himself, he felt that he could draw strength from "Simple Logic", a logic that was spoken to him by a quiet voice deep within him. From there he has started to develop a spiritual path in his life. For all, once started, it evolves! Funny, I posted a blog about this discovery that helped this individual with the hope it may help some who were struggling. On one of my favourite sites, this topic digressed into a religious right and wrong very heated argument, name calling and I’m more righteous than you type thing. Reminds me why I left a particular religion, and why I have no compulsion to join one currently. I do know that this is the type of thing that makes it so tough for those seeking but scarred, truly skeptical, to find their own source of personal stregth! I am truly intersted in learning where others draw their personal stregth from, and I hope you will share. It may well help others and it will broaden my horizons!
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Principles, Not Personalities Since starting the process of life recovery many years ago, the thinking and acting on "Principles, Not Personalities" has been possibly the most important lesson I have learned in human relations. Today I do have abiding principles I try to live by. As they relate to dealing with others, they can likely be summed up by the tried and true "Golden Rule". For a period of time in my life, occasionally I’d do on to others before they did it to me. I found that there were many people I couldn’t stand and honestly wished them no good in their lives. I was taught to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It made human relations tough. In your dealings with people today, can you relate to any of that type of thinking? In one of the sites I participate in, I posted an article entitled "Simple Logic" hoping to share some thoughts with people who were struggling to find a power greater than themselves in their life. I am shocked at how far off topic the comments digressed, and how people got into personal assignations about others with total disregard for the principles of the site. A reminder about the importance of putting principles before personalities. Among the things that are a part of the process of life recovery for me is attendance at group meetings- a "Fellowship" of men and women. Upon first attending I knew there were people in the group I just didn’t like and the feeling was likely mutual. Yet we all shared a common purpose, and over time I have learned that not liking is OK, but I must love all and treat them as I would like to be treated. The following is a good reminder from Daily Reflections:
The reality was that I couldn't possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I've grown in the Fellowship, I've learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. I must always remember to place principles before personalities.
- Daily Reflections, p. 365 As I’ve learned to listen with an open mind, there is seldom a person I can’t learn something from, and this is true I with life in general. To put principles before personalities is a living skill I’ve learned through the help of others and its application is progress. I have not yet reached perfection but will march on! Today, my human relations skills are the best the have been in my life due to a focus on my principles.
Thought to Ponder . . . Learn to listen; listen to learn.
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PERSISTENCE-Have You Got It? Nothing in this world comes without effort and often repeated effort over extended periods of time. Today, I received a reading from Hazelden that says it much better than I could, and with great support quotes! A big shot is just a little shot who kept on shooting.
--Zig Ziglar
"Consider these words of Calvin Coolidge: "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is filled with educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are alone omnipotent. 'Press on!' has been and always will be the answer to every human problem."
Coolidge was right. In the successful pursuit of a vision, persistence always makes the difference. Colonel Sanders approached 1,094 restaurants before he found someone who would try his recipe for fried chicken. Thomas Edison made over 2,000 attempts before he invented the light bulb. Abraham Lincoln failed in two businesses and lost five elections before he became president.
The ability to persevere in the face of adversity takes a special kind of faith. It's easy to get discouraged when obstacles appear. If you are in such a situation, know that time is on your side. Time plus sustained effort always produce results. After waiting 33 years to win the world championship, a coach was asked, "Was it worth the wait?" "Absolutely," he replied. "In fact, the long delay actually made the victory sweeter.""
As my pre-recovery life unfolded, starting as a teen, I don’t know how many false starts I made at recovering the life that inside I knew I was meant to live. I knew I had talent, I knew I was intelligent and I was educated. These things were not enough as pointed out in the Coolidge quote. Thank goodness I got the mentoring and support I needed to finally take dramatic action and "press on". I waited the best part of 46 years to get the life I was meant to live and as the coach said, the delay makes the results even sweeter! Hopefully this blog provokes some thoughts and feelings in a few of you; maybe a light goes on. I look forward to your comments and even personal contact! Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch
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BEING ASSERTIVE-Daily Practice I had to use a daily check list for about 10 years to help bring "balance" into my life. Balanced living did not come easy to me. I offer the checklist as a free download on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and invite anyone who has a problem understanding and executing "daily balanced living" to download a copy. One of the things I had to learn was to be assertive each day. As a "people pleaser", this wasn't something I did regularly and with low self-esteem and poor self-confidence I would either roll over or fight like crazy exposing my own insecurities. Assertiveness does not mean aggressive or offensive. I offer this article to you as something to consider in your daily living. I hope it is of help and provides a tool to some of you who read it. How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude or Controlling Assertiveness is an important skill that can make your life more enjoyable, but, unfortunately, it's also vastly misconstrued. Sometimes it's difficult to be assertive, or make your beliefs known, while still maintaining peace and understanding. Assertive people often come off as rude or controlling. This is because generally people don't like to be told what to do or how to do it. The trick is in learning how to standThis is a skill you can develop with a little know-how and practice. Try using the following tips in order to properly assert yourself: 1. Choose your words carefully. yourself in situations where you were previously passive. Think about the differentWrite them down and read them back ways that your words can be interpreted. to yourself if that helps. • 2. Develop good listening skills. skills. Remember that communication has two sides - speaking and listening. Truly listening will help you clearly understand the situation at hand. When you follow up with thoughtful and assertive speech, others are more likely to value your opinion. 3. Avoid taking things personally. you'll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimesLearn how to brush off comments that don't matter. Being assertive takes some great communicationRemember that there's a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.This is especially important if you're going to assert up for yourself without making others feel imposed upon. 1 4. Be humble. You can combat resistance to your assertiveness by being humble. Avoid bragging about yourself, even if it's in a joking manner. 5. Show confidence. going to be assertive and take charge, show the confidence to back it up. People will sense your lack of confidence if it isn't truly there, so give yourself permission to feel good 6. Handle negative issues quickly. part of being assertive. Handle issues with kindness and respect and people will remember you for it. If you let problems linger or treat them in a negative manner, people will remember that too. 7. Deal with feelings of superiority. superior in a situation where you're being assertive. If so, be careful to avoid acting rudely. 8. Apologize for mistakes. spotlight. When you make a mistake in the spotlight, everyone knows about it. Act appropriately and apologize, and people will respect you for owning up to it. Remember that the skill of assertiveness is something that develops over time. may be overwhelming to try to make drastic changes overnight. Ease yourself into it and test the waters. It's always best to think with clarity and make your changes slowly. With a gradual change, others will be more likely to accept your new assertiveness. Before you know it, you'll have their respect for the new, improved you! ItWhen you're being assertive, you're no doubt in theYou're only human, so perhaps you do feelIf problems arise, jump on them immediately. It's aabout yourself and your accomplishments.People enjoy being led by people who ooze confidence. If you're
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WHAT DO YOU FEED? I am truly blessed. I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from so many wise and interesting people. Those I am meeting in this phase of my life continue to enrich me. It is safe to say that these people (and I invite you to be one of them) keep me in a mode of growth, thinking and progress. Hard to get complacent when you are challenged! Today I got something from a fellow coach in Australia, Phil Evans. It is much in keeping with a book written by a very close friend of mine, Paul McCabe called "Feed the Good Dog". With prejudice, a read I recommend to anyone who wants to move forward with their life. I have known for a long time that there is two of me at work at all times. I call this duality. I catch this being personally acknowledged when I do something off base and say "I’m mad at myself" for doing that or "What made me do that?" I acknowledge things at play internally. So here’s Phil’s quote: "Two Wolves I know; you’ve heard this before. But have you really thought about it? Look back to the tale at the qualities of the evil one. Do they play a large role in your life? Too large a role for you? I fed the "bad" dog for many years and over time it continued to grow at the expense of the "good" dog. So what do you feed today? Think deeply and be honest with yourself. Would you like to learn how to "Feed the Good Dog"? I look forward to your comments and if you have questions that this article provokes, let me know and let me know how to get in touch.
One evening an old Cherokee leader felt compelled to tell his grandson about a battle that goes on inside many people, most of the time. He went about it in an extremely profound way.
"My boy, there is a battle going on between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil: It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This one is our internal saboteur, which causes us much grief and pain; and it also causes us to inflict grief and pain onto others."
"The other is Good: It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This one serves us well; and it also helps us to serve others well too."
The young boy thought about all of this new information for a minute or two, and then asked the wise old man: "Which wolf usually wins Grandfather?"
The old Cherokee calmly replied, "The answer is simple; whichever one you feed."
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POLITICAL CORRECTNESS What a great term "political correctness" is. It is something that I know a lot of people try to exhibit in their lives, and in the business world I think it fits right in there with another great way of doing things referred to as "optics". There actually is a contest to define a meaning of political correctness and I share with you this years winning definition: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." While in my hay day I’m not sure I would have ever won awards for being politically correct, I think my actions might have been "delusional, illogical and in a minority", particularly as they related to my addictions. Delusional in the sense that I thought no one else really knew and if they had my life, they would act like I acted. Illogical for many reasons. Reasons like why would a depressed person consume depressants to make things better; maybe this time it will be different; I’m only hurting myself and that prize one, I can take care of it myself. In a minority. Yup, But a large portion of the crowd I "hung" with acted like or similar to me. Little did I know that a majority of people did not act like me. I really thought a life like mine could be picked up by "the clean end" and was OK. Ok that is, until my acting in what I thought was a correct way brought me to a point where I did not want to slide any lower and where I made a decision to not be politically correct, deal with reality and take positive action that would honestly allow me to have a life where the object being picked up was clean! There may be some people who read this that might see some familiarity to their current life to what was mine. Their seemingly politically correct life. If your one who might have an interest in how I transformed my life, leave a comment or get in touch trough
khbray@hopeserenity.ca and let’s talk freely!
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GENEROSITY and RECEIVING This is not a topic I’ve thought about for along time. In working with others today (and I remember when I was the same), I often ask them at how they are when they receive a compliment. Many handle compliments very poorly. They don’t know how to say a gracious and humble plain "Thank You", but babble and spot about how it was nothing, feel uncomfortable inside and some even wonder what the other person wants. If these situations fit you today, we should talk. There is an issue. Many we know give generously and freely, but cannot accept gifts in return. My reading said: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness. Good points made. I love the "when we are being genuine" qualifier. Many of us give to please others to fill a gap in us, and I question whether this is genuine. If there are things that jump out at you in reading this, and you get that funny feeling inside, respond to this blog. I’d love to see responses and even better, talk to a few who squirm a bit when they read this.
--Confucius
"Some of us were raised to decline generosity - to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone's home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don't want to be a bother.
Generosity is a two-way street. It's just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we're being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good – it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, these are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us."
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UNDERSTAND HUMILITY When I first started out on this journey of life recovery, I kept hearing that I needed to be humble. My clouded thinking somehow confused or intertwined humble and humility with humiliation. I can tell you, I was tired of humiliation!! Are you there yet? Today Hazelden put out a very good read that I want to share. It gives a very good perspective! Humility is our acceptance of ourselves.
--Anonymous
It is strange how we can go to school and learn a lot of facts, but never learn much along the way about ourselves. We can take up nursing, teaching, counseling, and giving ourselves to the needs of others, while never having our own needs met.
Why does it seem as if it is easier to solve the problems of the world than to solve our own problems? We simply don't know ourselves very well. When we look into a mirror and attempt to understand ourselves, our conclusions about what we see are usually very different from what a friend sees. When we finally take the time and make ourselves a priority, we make a startling discovery. There exists within us at all times a Higher Power that is the builder of all successes and our comforter during times of trial.
I understand myself only in relation to my Higher Power. The image I see and the identity I have is then one of humility before that Power. Humility is my acceptance of myself. This really hit home for me. I was great at addressing the issues of my world. Simply put, when I did that I did not have to address my own issues. Easier to look at you than at me. I have been taught that to stay humble and serve others properly, I have to look after me to be able to help you and remember where my strength is and be grateful. I am interested in perspectives and would love to read YOUR comment!
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I LOVE UNCERTAINTY The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.
~ Erich Fromm ~ There was a day I sought out certainty. It well could have been certainty that helped address my deep seated insecurities. Certainty in employment, certainty in relationships, certainty in investments and so on. Can you relate? As Fromm so aptly points out, in always seeking certainty, I closed my mind to possibilities, and overlooked some great possibilities because they were not a sure thing. A closed mind limited my personal power because it kept me from looking for true meaning in my life. Some of the certainties I used were just for escaping realities and feelings. Today, having a measure of uncertainty in love is the door to the future, it is a power that allows me to continue to grow and I embrace it!
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