Perfect Networker - Keith Bray's blog

THE MIRROR

Posted: Nov. 30, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

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THE MIRROR- A GREAT TOOL

One of the tools all my clients own, and learn to use during sessions, is the mirror. It may be a great tool for you, it certainly is for me!

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

--Carl Jung

In our worst time, we have been irritable and difficult to live with. And when we feel most irritable, we are least likely to look at ourselves. Now in recovery, when someone irritates us, it is very useful to ask ourselves why we are so annoyed. We often find that the very thing that irritates us about someone else is the very quality in ourselves that we don't want to face.

When someone's whining bugs us, maybe it is our own capacity for whining that we reject. When someone's self-absorption gets under our skin, maybe we are sensitive about our own self-centeredness. Sometimes we find it easier to complain about a quality in others than to admit we are like that too.

Want some real answers to life's challenges and to questions you ask yourself about what you are feeling? Go to your mirror. You may well see the answers to the question why or what is it.

When I started the process of life recovery, the mirror was not my friend. I did not like the person I saw nor want to hear the answers.

Today, I am comfortable with that image I see! (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success)

Work at it. One day when you ask “Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose as solid as them all?” you might just like the answer!

KNOCKING DOWN THE MIND'S WALLS

Posted: Nov. 28, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Personal Development

KNOCKING DOWN THE MIND’S WALLS

Ah, my once a week reminder from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons.

In reading the thoughts in the “Idea Engineer” this week, I was reminded at how closed my mind has and can get. Every day, to grow, I must knock down the walls, and the ability to consciously do this is a learned skill. I need to be prodded to open up my mind to new ideas!

“Open to the new

"All the people we call 'geniuses' are men and women who somehow escaped having to put that curious, wondering child in themselves to sleep." -- Barbara Sher

How willing are you to learn something new? How open are you to new perspectives?

Only when we're open can we really hear what's being said or really see what's happening or really experience the moment.

Openness demands that we be willing to move to places we've never been before. It asks us to continually challenge the foundations of our belief systems so we can test out new ideas. And to do that, we need to accept insecurity.

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." -- Alvin Toffler “

Today I have the ability to recognize my own insecurities without fear. As Toffler says, to live today I must learn, unlearn and relearn. A good reminder for this journeyer!

Are you willing? (hopeserenity.ca/Coached To Success)

EVER LISTEN TO YOURSELF?

Posted: Nov. 27, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Personal Development

LISTENING TO ME

(And end people pleasing)

Funny how dependant we become on technology. I took my car out and dropped it off for winter service this morning, and returning home, I noticed a man working on the cable/phone box on the street. Sure enough internet/phone/cable is all out because he is doing winter service. Certainly can disrupt a day.

What did people do before all this technology?

The quiet gives one a chance to be quiet and meditate; just listen to that small quiet voice inside.

A quote from Gertrude Stein came to mind, “Listen to me, not to them”.

For years, I listened to them and spent my life trying to please them. This behavior started when I was very young. I dearly wanted to please my parents and get their love and attention. It seemed that the things I did were never good enough.

This grew in my life. I wanted to please teachers, coaches, friends, employers; I wanted to please just about all those I came into contact with. I worried little about what pleased me and learned how to shut down the voice inside.

As this progressed, I became a person who was described by a teacher as Mr. Happy Go Lucky”; yet inside, I was hurting big time. I learned behaviors that would let me escape this internal hurt, numb it, for periods of time.

My self esteem was shot. If someone gave me a compliment I could not just accept it with a simple thank you, I had to make a comment because inside I knew they didn’t really mean it. I sought praise, yet when I got it, I could not accept it as genuine

I had quit listening to me and this led me, at the age of 46, to the lowest point of my life. My bottom if you like.

I always, as best I could, tried to be kind to others. I had never really understood the need to be kind to myself. To please you I wanted to be perfect, if I couldn’t be perfect, I just wouldn’t try things. You were important, the miserable me wasn’t.

I lost sight of my dreams and my own goals. I let circumstances and “them” dictate the path my life took.

I did have many “worldly” successes, but they were never enough. “Me” had gotten lost even though many things I did appeared (and were) selfish.

Through the process of co-creative life recovery I have rediscovered me and my needs. In looking after me properly, I am a far happier person inside, and therefore able to be a far better person to those I come into contact with. Recovery of me is a gift, and one I am grateful for. It came after surrender to my plight, hard work, spiritual growth and the help of others. It has not been simple. It has been rewarding and the time and money invested in learning to listen to me (and the small quiet voice that has always been inside of me) is the best investment I have ever made.

Funny, through the loss of technology came quiet time, and in quiet time came meditation and thoughts to be grateful over. I wonder if those who did not have the amount of technology we have were able to develop richer spiritual lives?

In listening to me, I have been able to me better for those around me without overt people pleasing. Funny how that works! (www.hopeserenity.ca- Coached To Success).

HIDING FROM FACTS??

Posted: Nov. 26, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Personal Development

HIDING FROM FACTS??

I look back on life, and find some of the things I said extremely ironic. There were facts I just did not want to accept.

How can a guy who habitually sits around a bar, intending to have one or two after work but staying ‘til midnight or later say things like “I better watch it, I’ve got alcoholic tendencies”? There was a fact there that existed, and while I tried to ignore it, it certainly did not go away.

Alcohol, soft drugs and using people for pleasure were some of the things I ignored until things got real bad. I know my behaviour was not unique. Can you relate in any way about areas of your life?

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--Aldous Huxley

“This is a hard concept for us maladjusted to get. We believed avoidance was a form of self-care. Our illness depended on our ability to deny its existence. Only when we were bleeding out of every pore of our body, were we willing to admit that maybe there was a slight problem. We were afraid of the facts. To face the facts meant dealing with betraying our illness. It meant admitting we were lost and in need of help from others.

Recovery, from Step One on, is about confronting our issues straight on. We take personal inventory a lot in order to break through our denial and bond with the truth. We face, directly when possible, the people we have hurt because the fact is we have hurt many and we have a responsibility to try to help heal these wounds. As we do these actions, we watch ourselves become stronger. Our confidence – not arrogance – grows. Do we always like facing the facts? No! But our lives aren't based only on feelings anymore. They are based on doing the next right thing.”

Have you got to the place where you are prepared to face the facts, not ignore them, and take action?

Possibly through a chat, we can help put you on that path to a process of (life) recovery. (hopeserenity.ca Coached To Success)

HONESTY

Posted: Nov. 25, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Personal Development

HONESTY

Every now and again a get an email from someone which is just so simple and on track as it relates to the co-creative process of life recovery and addiction recovery.

As we make a decision to surrender the fight and take action to get the life we want, we have huge hurdles to face. One of the foremost is the ability to be honest in all we do and say.

“There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court.

The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, "ur Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."

What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.

Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question - Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make ?

Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving? Themselves -- more than anyone else.

Honesty can be put across gently. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger kick out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are important.”

Are you ready to live with honesty? It is not easy. Can you be honest with yourself today on all matters? (www.hopeserenity.ca and Coached To Success)

SEARCHING ??

Posted: Nov. 24, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

SEARCHING??

I think I spent a good part of my adult life searching.

Searching for what?

Serenity, peace, hope, optimism, a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin, love, deer relationships, material success, acceptance by others..and the list goes on.

Today, I read a great reminder, a quote sent by a friend from a book of truths. I'll share:

The Search

I walked all night long, the whole distance. . .

And I came into my apartment and I collapsed on the floor.

I lay there breathing kind of heavily and I said to myself,

"Oh, to hell with serenity. I don't care if it ever comes."

And I meant it. And do you know what happened?

All of a sudden the craving to find serenity utterly evaporated --

and in its place was serenity. The trouble was the search --

looking out there for what was right here.

- The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 142

Thought to Ponder . . .

I can find on the outside only what I possess on the inside.

It is funny how life works. After years of searching and not finding, I was guided to the answer. It was in me all along. A real trip to get so low and wonderful trip co-created with the help of others to get out! On a daily basis I am able to find "IT". (hopeserenity.ca/coached to success)

IQ of a HOUSE PLANT

Posted: Nov. 21, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

IQ of a HOUSE PLANT

I just got off the phone with a client, and was once again reminded how complicated bright people can make life.

Last night I attended a meeting, and on a board was the message “Keep It Simple”. I think it is a message most of those who read this and are going through recovery should have tattooed in neon in a visible place.

We were not all created equal from an intelligence quotient point of view. Some got more than others. How it is put to use is another different subject. Most people I have met that need major life change are not short on capacity but have used the capacity to complicate the heck out of life; and have taken themselves to a point of moments of insanity.

From testing, I know that I have more than average capacity. In some ways I’ve used it productively, in other ways I allowed my intellect to make things that should have been simple very complicated. Today I intellectualize less and that is a miracle!

What would life be like if a person had the IQ of a house plant, and was able to live a simple life and face situations head on without complicating? I have a feeling it would be far more serene than what many of us create.

My client has faced his addiction, and through today, has not been active for a good period of time, in a behavior than was taking the most important things in his life away from him. You would think that he’d be thrilled and those around him would be also.

Yet, during today’s session, that scary thought from him. “Rationally, I can’t explain what has happened to cause the change.” For bright people it is hard to just accept and not need a detailed explanation. It was a meaningful discussion.

Miracles are not rational! I have finally been able to accept that in my own life.

Those in recovery, look around you. They say recovery is a simple program for complicated people, and isn’t that the truth. Anyone going to write a book (or maybe they have) - Recovery for Dummies?

“Keep It Simple”. As we face challenges, may all of us remember the humble house plant that spreads its leaves, is aesthetically pleasing and just gives and accepts nurturing from others while remaining firmly rooted! Oh for the IQ of a house plant. (hopeserenity.ca)

FREEDOM

Posted: Nov. 20, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

Freedom from addiction comes through creation.

Now and again I hit an article from a "friend" which I find much thought provoking and it makes a great point. I have had the privilege of freely exchanging thoughts and ideas with my friend Patrick M at www.spiritualriver.com. Both of us believe that is a huge amount of room to improve the recovery rate (arguably less than 10% today) through building on some of the proven things that work and taking key elements as a foundation. I had the opportunity to dialogue with Patrick as the Creative Theory evolved, and by adding a coaching piece to the theory, am constantly developing a +Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery".

In the article I have reproduced below, Patrick talks to addictions. My own experience has taught me it applies to others important life issues beyond addictions.

"Consider the following quote:

“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” – William Blake

How does anyone stay clean and sober? They do it by figuring out a system for living. We might think that we stay sober by following a program, but that is a bit of an illusion. We only stay sober by applying a program. There is a difference and, ultimately, the difference is in personal application.

“Programs of recovery” are just suggestions….they are meaningless until we attempt to apply them in our lives. I see people constantly try to make recovery programs out to be much more objective than they actually are. They talk about how someone relapsed because “they were working their program of recovery instead of working the program of recovery.”

This is a big mistake, in my opinion. What do you think the point of having daily AA meetings is? So that people can discuss the multitude of different ways to apply a program of recovery to their lives. If the program was truly objective, like many purists claim it to be, then we would not need so many meetings, so many discussions, so many clarifications and interpretations. But, it is all about practical application.

The fact is that any program of recovery has to be interpreted by the individual and then applied in their unique situation in order to produce results in the real world. Just taking a set of principles and saying that they are the path to salvation is rather meaningless. How do you actually apply that path in your unique life?

And how is it that two individuals who interpret a program differently can both achieve long term sobriety in spite of those differences? And yet we see this happening all the time, in many different ways. For example, take meditation. There are some people with multiple years in recovery who have never really meditated. They just don’t do it. It is not their thing. I know several people like this. They are still spiritual…..they might pray, they might work with others in recovery, but they do not meditate. Ever. Yet they have a strong recovery.

Compare this now to someone in recovery who is an absolute meditation guru. Practically all they do is meditate. It is the backbone of their recovery program. They, too, have a strong program.

Two extreme opposites…yet they both find success in recovery. So much for an objective program.

With a truly objective program, anomalies like this would not exist.

But they do.

So what gives?

What is really going on with any “program” of recovery?

* Creation is taking these principles that are working for others and then making them your own.

* Creation is discovering what works for you, and using it to succeed in recovery.

* Creation is living with passion and purpose and taking real action to achieve real results in recovery.

Many people who work a traditional program of recovery are involved with the act of creation. They are leading by example, and they are getting real results in recovery by taking action and applying the concepts to their daily life. They are not whining and complaining. They are not victims. Instead, they are creating change. Taking action. Pushing themselves to continue growing. And so on.

Creative recovery is just that: creative. You are creating a new life for yourself through positive, daily action. Spiritual development is not the thrust of it. Action is.

Here is the kicker though: they are the same thing. Action and spiritual development. If you take positive action in your recovery, then that is spiritual action.

Consider:

* Reaching out to help another addict.

* Exercising or meditating on a regular basis (or both).

* Working to improve your relationships by strengthening the good ones and eliminating the toxic ones.

* Taking better care of yourself through better nutrition/fitness and quitting bad habits.

* Using all of the above to build real self esteem and help protect yourself from relapse.

How are any of these actions not spiritual in nature? They are all ways that can directly or indirectly draw you closer to your higher power, if that is your ultimate intention. Better health through holistic growth. Creation through personal growth. These are the keys to recovery.

Yes, you can achieve this by using a “program.” But no, a “program” is not really necessary. You will have to judge for yourself how much a program is helping you achieve these ends versus merely distracting you from what is really important.

Consider the quote again:

“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”

Recovery is your responsibility. Regardless of whether or not you are working a program, you have to ultimately apply it and make it work for you. In this way you create your own success in recovery. You must create by adapting the program to your life."

Got some thoughts on this? Please post them at www.hopeserenity.ca.

AUTHORING YOUR "LIFE" LIBRARY

Posted: Nov. 19, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

AUTHORING YOUR “LIFE” LIBRARY

I must admit, I had never considered my life like a personal library. Them I received the following quote and reflection that made me ponder. Ever thought of things in these terms?

Life is like a library owned by an author. In it are a few books, which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.
--Harry Emerson Fosdick

“In our minds there are multitudes of stored memories, knowledge, and skills. Some of these are the results of living and learning, but most are information given to us by others. Our family, friends, co-workers, teachers, and children are the greatest sources for our storehouses of information.

Most of our learning comes from others. Teachers give us much in the way of facts. Our family instructs us in morals. Friends show us different personalities and lifestyles. Our children reflect what we've taught them and give us their views of the world.” (KB-scary to think about!)

“All the information we have is valuable to our growth and maturity. Every person we meet, each place we visit, and everything we try contribute to our library of knowledge and experience. At times we may borrow from what is on our shelves, but we must keep our shelves stocked with fresh material. Each night we can write a new volume based on the day's experiences.

I have more valuable contributions to make to my library of knowledge and experience.”

So now I am more understanding as to where my knowledge of addictive behaviors came from, and the impact I had on others. I may own my history, but as the quote from Fosdick says, much of my history was written for me!

During the process of co-creative life recovery, I have been given the courage to make major changes, and the history I am currently creating has a much more positive spin to it! In what I am doing today, I am authoring more valuable contributions to my library.

Is it something you would like to author for your personal library? (www.hopeserenity.ca).

REFLECTIONS

Posted: Nov. 18, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

REFLECTIONS

I have been running reasonably hard for a while, and have not taken the time to just sit in the quiet, reflect, and put thoughts to paper.

It has been an eventful period in our lives since early February; the time of a relocation of homes for us.

We moved from a very urban and diversified setting to a small (17,500) rural town. I must admit, the adjustment has been a positive one for me; slower pace and people say hello (in English) and very little traffic congestion. The air is cleaner and insurance, gas, and a number of other things (including golf) much less expensive. We have a new home that I really love and much more opportunity for daily serenity.

My two youngest grand kids live very close and I've enjoyed going to their activities. I've even enjoyed babysitting and seeing that I can still change a diaper when need be (although the monkey has now turned 3 and has few accidents). Its funny how much more enjoyable things are with grand kids than kids; they go home and all you have to do is love them

From a work perspective, things have not been as busy as they were prior to the move. I have been to caught up in "adjusting" to do the things I need to do to build my practise, and locally coaching is not understood to the level it was in a much larger and urban center.

My clients have been varied. I have had the privilege of working with a man in his 30's who has fought life long depression and self-esteem (most of my clients have self-esteem issues) issues and have witnessed his break through to sunshine. He always wanted to be a teacher. Today he is attending school to finish his qualifications and acing it! I've worked with a couple of lawyers, both battling addiction and issues related to alcohol/drugs. To both of them, confidentiality and one-on-one work was of top priority. Neither is drinking or using today, both are setting goals and moving forward! I've worked with an under achieving financial advisor, a lady who was unemployed and needed focus, people with relationship issues (including the relationship with self), and all are making progress they are happy with. It does feel good to be able to help them find what they have always had but didn't know where to look.

I have had to make some big changes in my own recovery program.

I had been a member of a 12 step group for many many years and think the world of that group. It was a place I belonged, I knew people and they new me. From that group, many friendships were forged.

After searching for a "fit" in fellowships in my new town, I have found a group that I like. I must remember how long it took me to really feel like I belonged in my old group, and know, with time, I will feel as comfortable.

I have always been active in service, particularly in sponsorship. I have continued sponsoring others in my old location, others who have really started a journey. A few who continue to slip and slide I have worked with to help them find someone new, someone who is personally there. I have maintained relationships.

I am sponsoring a person in my new town, and hope, over time, that I attract some newcomers. I get so much out of this area of service including staying very much in touch with reality!

I have strong faith that tells me things will work out!

I continue to blog frequently as my form of journaling. Nice to get thoughts outside of self and get feedback- pro and con! Even some that is really negative stuff. But then that is life. Quite often a get a note from someone (an electronic voice) that tells me what I have written has helped or generated thought. Makes it worthwhile!

I've had fun working with Ben (myBDMwebsite) in creating a new web site (www.hopeserenity.ca). It is a labour of love and a pet project. I would really like to get YOU and others active on the site. Does it reflect my business? Yes. But hopefully it will have lots of free stuff on it that will help others find life recovery, hope and serenity. I try to give freely of blocks of time to help where I can, and enjoy having a forum where others can share.

I have loved the new local golf course I joined, have been active and have met some really wonderful people. I think this winter I'll have an opportunity to use some of my experience in the golf business and club business to hopefully make a positive difference to the club users locally. Rather than sit back and complain, I'd rather listen and work to make a positive difference in areas where I can.

Nice to just sit back and reflect. I really am appreciative of those that read my musings and give constructive feedback (and occasionally referrals).

In reading over what I have just pecked out, I am filled with gratitude with what my higher power has done in my life and the blessings and life that I have. Things have come with hard work, set backs and pain and the help of others, both professionals and "friends". From inside, I located the source of my life, and was given the courage to change and continue the life long process of life recovery; and a life free from addictions.

PS- for those who have asked about my son who is new to recovery; so far so good. He has a seasoned sponsor and is starting the steps.

MORE ON DUALITY (2 Yous)

Posted: Nov. 17, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

MORE ON TWO YOUS/DUALITY
Since I began the process of life recovery, and particularly when I became aware that my final career-coaching others- is so spiritually focused, I became very exposed and interested in the duality that exists within each human being. This duality causes huge internal conflict within many. It sure did within me.
Simple statements we all make, like "I'm mad at myself" are good example of duality at work. Think about it, who exactly is mad at whom?
I loved "The Power of Now" and even more "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. Maybe too much detail but reads on duality that were meaningful to me. They have helped me answer that great question-"Who am I?" and other parts of the journey help me appreciate why I am how I am.
This week, my coaching mentor, in his weekly "Idea Engineer", published a short article with quotes that brought this subject top of mind again. He wrote:
Two views

"... no matter what our difficulties may be, we recognize that there is a deep untroubled stream flowing below all surface troubles and that we are of one substance with that stream. The soul knows no difficulties." -- James Thornton

Masters teach that we can experience two completely different states of reality at the same time -- from the personality and from the soul.

Author Pema Chödron talks about being hungry, cold and tired but at that same time deeply content. Ram Dass speaks of how the emotional heart can be breaking while we recognize that all is unfolding perfectly.

Allowing our soul to be present with the discomforts of the personality shifts our experience of the discomforts.

"True self simply refers to the aspect of our being that is completely aware of its expanded nature no matter what we may be experiencing in our lives." -- Martia Nelson

Ever wonder who your true self really is? What is truly your reality? Something to really think about as you consider making major life changes!!(hopeserenity.ca)

GOT THE "ISMS"? Includes "BIG SHOTISM"

Posted: Nov. 16, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

GOT THE "ISMS"?
For years I have sat around various meetings and heard people talk about their "isms". I have seen those letters used with alcohol, and I clearly understood this.
I'm active in life recovery, and am involved in a few sites that focus on this topic. In being active, I get to meet some great people on line, people that I grow to respect and learn from. One of these wise folks is Dennis S., a friend in recovery from California. This past week, I asked Dennis to give me his version of what "isms" are all about. With his permission, I share Dennis's writing and hope it clears things up for you like it did me:

"Back again, like the proverbial bad dollar bill (yep, inflation strikes again). Keith tossed me gently under the bus ( Gracias, my friend) with a question on a previous blog regarding my definition of the AA acronym "ISM"- that suffix , when mixed liberally with alcohol defines the dis-ease that we end up with. "AlcoholISM"
There is obviously a dictionary definition for "ISM". Here is one dictionary set with a few recovery ones tossed in:-ISM suff
   1. Action, process; practice: vegetarianism.
   2. Characteristic behavior or quality: puerilism.
   3. State; condition; quality: senilism.
   4. State or condition resulting from an excess of something specified: strychninism.
   5. I Sponsor Myself
   6. Incredibly Short Memory
   7. Internal Spiritual Malady
   8. I Sabotage Myself
   9. I Skip Meetings

     We'll look to the obvious first and take the 4th in the list. A state or condition resulting for an excess of something - namely booze. When we are actively drinking, this definition applies to many of my less fondly remembered attributes. You know, blackouts, DUIs, intimate communication with our porcelain higher power, etc. All those wonderful actions and attributes that endeared me to my loved ones, friends and strangers alike. The only people that I got along with were drunks like me. We could sit there, get boozed up and solve all our problems while feeding our isms.

    Then I take away the alcohol. Poof! Guess what - I ain't much better than I was with alcohol. Now definitions 1 through 3 can apply (believe me, they fit well). We still have the drama, terror, fear, bewilderment, resentments, anger and hiccups - only it's magnified because I'm not numbing it with copious quantities of my favorite brand of bottled in bond bliss. While I am PHYSICALLY sober, people often found that they preferred me drunk - at least then they would get some peace when I passed out. Physical sobriety is a wonderful thing - but it is NOT part of the promises from the big book - just a necessary prerequisite. So we find that if you do this simple equation: alcoholic - alcohol = ic or ICK - which I was. Pretty icky. All the attributes and habits of my ism were still there. For others to feed on - whether we want it or not. Not pretty.

     There's a difference between a drunk and an alcoholic. Alcoholics have alcoholism and go to meetings. Drunks have booze and go to bars. I can call someone a drunk - but only they can call themselves an alcoholic. I digress...

     Applying the principles of the fellowship (along with other actions I've taken in betterment of my spiritual life) to my ism gives me a chance to correct the states, conditions and actions that reflect this condition, thereby reducing the maladjustment my ism has on my life. Does it eliminate it? Not a chance - I still have all the capacity to be a total self-centered, egotistical jerk. That’s where definitions 5 through 9 come in. The ones we in the fellowship use when we speak of thoughts and actions not conducive to maintaining emotional sobriety. When my "ism" tries to prevent me from following a course of action that provides me with the strong spiritual basis I need to be a productive member of the crazy planet we live on.

     As my old buddy Porky Pig would say: "That’s all folks!!!!"..."
Got to love that number 4 Dennis! Thanks for bring it up so clearly.
I have come to learn that I coach people who fall into #4. They get into a negative state or condition as a result of an "excess" of something. The some things certainly vary the solutions they find are very common! Want to talk about "isms"? Respond here or contact through hopeserenity.ca where you will find this article and others similar, posted.
AND THANKS DENNIS!!!!

REALLY READY FOR CHANGE?

Posted: Nov. 13, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Personal Development

REALLY READY FOR CHANGE?
Readiness is a precondition for change.

I have done several blogs on change, and as with all my blogs, I am interested in and love to get feedback.
When I write about change (and that is what co-creative life recovery is all about), most responses I get state that the writer embraces change.
If that be the case, why are their so many people walking around with unresolved issues?
It goes without saying; life is hard; change is harder. I know, I’ve faced the fear of change and found the courage deep inside of me to embrace life change.
If we earnestly and conscientiously apply the tools we can acquire, we are certain to experience positive change. You are promised new freedom and happiness and assured that a Higher Power can and will remove your negative characteristics.

The question is, are we ready to change? If we hang on tightly to self-will, resentments, fear, mistrust, and all the other weaknesses that get in our way, our Higher Power(located inside each of us) has a tough time prying us loose. We must be prepared to let go and open ourselves to new possibilities if the change we seek is to occur.

Along with taking a daily inventory, we can cultivate the readiness to abandon our counterproductive tendencies and try something new. In this way, we cooperate with the force for positive growth that lies within each of us. We cannot command or control this force, but we can learn to be responsive to it.

Today, I am ready for positive change. I will be responsive to inner nudges that move me in that direction.
Ready to take some action to change? Do you have the intestinal fortitude (guts)? Then let’s talk.
As one who has faced change, and is anonymous to most of you who read this, possibly I can be an agent of change for your life and in a short conversation, help you find your own road!

HOW TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES

Posted: Nov. 12, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

How to Let Bygones
Be Bygones
In working with others, I coach clients and sponsees to find tools and answers to issues that prevent them from having the abundant life they want. Things that prevent us from living the life we want and can live are common.
Living in the past and collecting new garbage frequently is one of those issues.
Deep down you know that there is simply nothing you can do to change the past. No matter how many times you wish you'd done something differently, the past will always
remain the past.
You must find a way to, once and for all, be done with your regretful feelings. When you
continue to fret over the past, you allow negative feelings to consume more and more of
your life. Once you've put a stop to it, you can think positively again and your future will be brighter.
Getting Caught Up In The Past
It's easy to get caught up in the past. Nobody's perfect and, no matter how hard you try,
you'll still continue to make mistakes. It's how you handle the mistakes that will make the true difference in your life.
If you've made a mistake or suffered a tragedy in the recent past, don't allow the tragedy to replay in your head over and over. You'll continue to relive the negative feels as if you were continually going through the tragedy. No one deserves this! Instead, you have two choices, you can actively work on correcting your mistake, or you can let the feelings go because they're not helpful to you in that moment.
Learn From Your Mistakes
There are lessons to be learned in every mistake you make no matter how minor it might be. The goal is to work on discovering what these lessons are.
When negative feelings surround you regarding your past, focus on the lesson learned.
Maybe you would have never learned that lesson without the mistake. And now that you've gained this wisdom you can avoid making that mistake again in the future.
You can take everything one step further and do more with the lessons you've learned.
Perhaps you can raise awareness by telling others about your experience. If you can help others avoid the same mistakes, you'll be doing something great for the world. It'll also help you feel better about the situation.
Avoid Resentment
You need to do your best to avoid resentment and all negative emotions. Resentment is a poisonous emotion that can go out of control if you don't deal with it. You've
probably heard of people who have had a falling out with a family member and resentment keeps them apart for the better part of their lives. Think about all the good times they've missed out on because of this bitterness! Got any?
Let It Go
Depending on what you've gone through, there may be a mourning period associated with your situation, but you'll eventually need to let it go. Since you know that nothing can change the past, letting go can prove to be very liberating.
When you let it all go, you learn to forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness is such an important thing to promote in your life. It allows you to grow as a person and
blossom forward to enjoy all that life has to offer. You weren't meant to sit around mourning the past no matter how tragic it's been for you. Forgiveness can be learned.
How Negative Thinking Hurts You
When it comes down to it, sometimes you keep telling yourself you're over it but the
negative thinking keeps creeping back into your life. You need to fully realize that the only person you're hurting is yourself.
Let's say you've hurt someone's feelings. You may think about this day and night until you can't take it anymore, and you have to seek this person out to apologize. The person might not even remember what happened, or they may just accept your apology. The point is you suffered with negative thoughts until you sought forgiveness.
There's no need to cause yourself severe suffering because you made a mistake, instead seek peace and resolution, then move forward with your head held high!
Is negative thinking hurting you today; sapping your energy?
You may find the tools learned through coaching and life recovery a help to living in the day.

NOVEMBER 11

Posted: Nov. 11, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

NOVEMBER 11
May I Never Forget/Gratitude
Thankfully, November 11 is an annual day that is celebrated. I wonder if I would so clearly remember to be grateful without the reminder.
I am truly grateful that I did not have to live through or fight in any global wars over my lifetime, and I pray the same is true for my children, grandchildren and our lineage going forward.
This did not happen by chance.
I look back and remember with gratitude stories told to me by my grandfather and both my father and mother. They served their home lands with honour in WW! and WW2 respectfully. My grand dad and dad in the Canadian military and my mother in the British.
All came back from tours of active duty and came back scarred but healthy. They saw horrors I have listened to, but have never had to witness first hand. I am grateful.
Millions served their countries for causes they truly believed in. My family was just a part. Hundreds of thousands did not come home and today, I remember them for what they did for us.
My heart goes out to those soldiers from around the globe stationed abroad and fighting a fight I don't personally believe in. To spread a legacy that my immediate family fought for some might say.
On this, November 11, 2009 may I remember top of mind the sacrifices my family and thousands of other families made for the great life I can live today.
My family had both military and public legacies of service to others following the wars. In my own way, I am pleased to be of service to others in a free society that the military legacy helped to preserve.
May we all give thanks for a moment today? I live with gratitude- and that is an attitude hard fought for. May I never forget.

Keith Bray

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