Perfect Networker - Keith Bray's blog

Posted: Mar. 17, 2011 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

ROCKETED INTO a 4^TH DIMENSION of EXISTENCE

Over the past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a “spiritual retreat” at a wonderful place of peace called Manresa .

What is a spiritual retreat? Sounds out there!

For me it is like taking a time out from life and listening to a leader lead discussions on things of the inner spirit (not necessarily religious) in a setting that is removed from a lot of life’s daily distractions; and after listening, to be able to ponder and meditate on things that were at one time baffling or just didn’t matter.

There are a number of books that have had a huge impact on the human race. One of them is the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” (known as “The Big Book”), who’s twelve steps and principles formed the foundation of AA, a movement that was the first of hundreds of 12 step help groups.

On page 25 of the Big Book, the author states” we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved; there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple spiritual tool kit left at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

Because of my own journey of recovery, I had read these words dozens if not hundreds of times. On the weekend, they took on new meaning (and thanks Mildred Franks for the focus).

What does this mean to me?

I was aware of the importance of spirituality in the transformation of my life.

We are "rocketed" into this fourth dimension of existence, the spiritual, when the dimensions of our physical, mental, and emotional states are in harmony and balance, each with the others, occasioned in the moment by our total surrender with complete abandon to our Higher Power. (The 3 dimensions, in which we, as humans, live, experience and struggle with).

My physical, mental and emotional states came into harmony; I was at a good level of peace. I did consciously surrender to the belief that “my Higher Power is everything”, because if that weren’t so then it was nothing; it had no meaning or purpose in my life. I became “awake” to the fact that a quantum shift had occurred within myself and as I now understand, in that moment, I was rocketed into a fourth (spiritual) dimension which I never considered, but now, through maintaining daily conscious contact with a power greater than myself (and I consciously work at making that contact); I continue to live in.

This, for me, was a huge transformation.

Today I can live in a place where I know I am not the center, and can reach within for a source of power and peace that I always had, but had denied and suppressed and intellectually fought against for many years. From this source, particularly where I make a conscious effort, I receive the ability to live in peace and harmony within me, knowing that I have the ability to live with both the good times and bad times that life continuously throws my way. I can make good choices.

As crazy as it seems, I now can appreciate that when three dimensions, through hard work and the help of my higher power, came into harmony, I was able to surrender my need for control to my higher power and was rocketed into a 4^th dimension of existence. I exist today in a place where my spiritual well being and conscious contact must come first; and a wonderful place it is. Want to explore this 4^th dimension or share a personal spiritual awakening experience, then you know what to do.

(Posted at www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)

The Courage to Change

Posted: Mar. 15, 2011 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE

Courage: The power to let go of the familiar.
--Raymond Lindquist

Letting go of the familiar really does require courage.

Why?

Very simply, the thought of change evokes fear. Fear of what? Only YOU can answer for you.

Let me pose three very simple questions to you. If they really get you thinking, let’s talk about them.

What self esteem issues or addiction related issues are your biggest challenges?

What will happen to you and what will it cost you if you don’t deal with them?

What do you want instead?

These questions are change related, and many who read this and honestly think about these three simple questions will have some very interesting answers, and possibly some questions.

If you want change and can overcome your fear, let’s talk today. Don’t procrastinate or change will never happen. Respond now for a free consultation only if you have the courage to change. You’ll be glad you took this step. (  khbray@coached-to-success.com  or  khbray@hopeserenity.ca  )

SELF-RESPECT=SELF-ESTEEM-Want a shot?

Posted: Feb. 25, 2011 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

Self respect = Self esteem

Last week I had the opportunity to talk with you a little bit about the meaning of RESPECT.

Ultimately, in the addiction world, we have to add SELF into the equation. How important is self respect/self esteem and have I got it?I have had the opportunity to interface with multiple thousands of people who have addiction issues or have been directly impacted by addiction. I have worked individually with hundreds. Let me make a bold statement: “I have never met an active addicted person who has good self esteem (or self respect)”.

Chew on that one.

self esteem exercise

Go to the mirror, look the person you see straight in the eye, and see what your immediate reaction is.

If it’s less than very positive, you have a self esteem issue – no “ifs”, “ands” or “buts” about it. What you chose to do about it is strictly up to you; but this person says you’d better get help and not self help. If you could fix things yourself, you would have already done it! Don’t kid yourself.

Mental and emotional damage of the inner child

A quote from Gertrude Stein, “We are always the same age inside”.

Most people were born mentally healthy and then they began to experience life. At an early age, we either felt good about who or what we are, or, through our environment and experiences, began to get mentally and emotionally damaged.

I don’t like to talk to those of you who might be macho about “the Inner Child”, but if you have low self esteem today, when did the seeds get planted? Again, if you are honest with yourself, things probably started as a child and you have never felt 100% about you; this has caused emotional pain. What temporarily gets rid of emotional pain better than finding escape- booze, drugs, sex shopping, eating, gambling – the list goes on?

Emotional healing after addiction

As Stein says, we are always the same age inside. I’ll take it one step farther, while we always have that child inside, IF WE take action the inner child can heal.

The road to healing begins with getting honest with our self and accepting our low self image as a start point, then having the courage to take action to change and heal. Recovery from addiction begins with making our inner child a happy center that is alive, free and full of joy.

It can be called, “finding respect for self” and “esteem for self”. They go hand in hand. If I love and respect me, would I do the abusive things to myself that I did in active addiction? Would I do the things I put myself through to people I care about? Would I wish my self abuse on anyone?

So what is today’s message?

From this person’s perspective, if you want to be free of addictions or other self-destructive behavior, the place you have to start at is taking the hard actions needed to create a YOU who You respect and hold in reasonable esteem.

Wonder how? Fire some questions; let us know you’re alive!

Photo credit: Nicolai Kjærgaard

SEARCHING FOR YOU?

Posted: Sep. 21, 2010 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

SEARCHING FOR YOU?

Another thought provoking article from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his Idea Engineer.

How many of us go through life trying to "find ourselves"?

As a coach, one of the things I work with clients on frequently is getting out of their own way. I am a great believer that we all must have a conscious spiritual (not religious) component alive in our lives. Sometimes we need help to find that we have it, all we have to do is be conscious! It’s not something that we have to work at; it already exists. The real you is a spiritual being.

The anxious student asked the Zen master how long to enlightenment. The Zen Master answered a long time, at least 10 years. The student said, "Well I will work twice as hard." The Zen master said, "Then it will take 20 years." "No!" said the committed student, "I will work three times as hard." "Well then," said the Zen master, "it will take 30 years."
Do you need to work at being spiritual? No. You already are spiritual. Do you need to work at being human? No. That's just who you are.
The spiritual path doesn't require us to get anything. It's a process of opening to new dimensions of who we already are. It's a process of awakening to our own truth. It's a process of allowing ourselves to be authentic."

"It is not by your actions that you will be saved, but by your being." -- Meister Eckhart

"People ask what must they become to be loving. The answer is 'nothing.' It is a process of letting go of what you thought you had become and allowing your true nature to float to the surface naturally." -- Stephen Levine

If there are things in here that make sense to you, and you want to delve into more deeply, let’s talk. Possibly we can help you get out of the way of you and discover your true self! (www.hopeserenity.ca)

January Reflections

Posted: Jan. 24, 2010 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

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January Reflections –life recovery, addiction help

I sit here on a beautiful January day. Out my office window I see nothing but blue sky and a white ground cover of snow. When I take the time to reflect on what my eyes see, I feel at peace.

It has been an interesting start to a new year, one that I’m really optimistic about!

I’ve taken on a new volunteer challenge with a community organization I’m a member of. I bring to it a lot of experience and a track record of being part of major accomplishments in the same sector. The first couple of meetings have been great. I think I contribute to the overall well being, and in return, get some personal satisfaction.

From a work stand point, I am not as busy as I need (mentally) to be. I’ve been very lucky to meet through on line contacts three people who are struggling, want a better life, appear to be ready to do what it takes and appear to be honest. None of them are on top of their game financially and I have chosen to coach them for nothing; the value is truly on what I get back from seeing others slowly find themselves!

I have continued to blog on my web site and other sites. Through input and help from others, my own site is attracting some members who share, and I value this. My “free stuff” is being downloaded, and that is great. From some of the sites I blog on, particularly sites that focus on recovery, I am reminded that we are all different and not perfect and particularly a few of those who have been around for a while like to see themselves as the conscience of the world and protector of all. It has to be nice to know exactly what values are expected from others and pass judgment. From them, I learn.

Next week I hit another turn over of the odometer of life. I will surpass the amount of years my late father lived. I am relieved and glad that I had the courage to make the lifestyle changes that were in part responsible for me losing a great man from my life.

It’s been a month during which I feel gratitude deeply for what the co-creative process of life recovery has given me, not only addiction help, but the ability to live an abundant and reasonably balanced life. A couple of the people closest to me have gone through employment trauma, and I’ve been able to listen, question, and just be a good supportive father. I’ve really enjoyed my grand kids and look forward to my weekly “play dates” with my three year old- it really isn’t babysitting. It’s wonderful for a few moments to see the world through the eyes of a child. Upon reflection, I am truly blessed.

My wife, who I certainly put through hell pre-recovery, continues to be my best friend and confidant. I can say today that we share “real intimacy” in our relationship; something far more than just physical.

I have a few true friends, and over the last month have reconnected with my closest boyhood/teen friend. The reconnect was one of those positive coincidences, and I have enjoyed the catching up and renewed contact. Having a few friends, reconnecting with an old friend and developing friends in our new community has been a blessing!

In reflection, I also have to remember my Life Rule #1. Life is hard. The past month has certainly come with its challenges and disappointments, its worries and fears. Life is not perfect, but I have living tools today that let me stay in the moment, ask for help, listen to that small quiet voice that is within and cherish the hope and serenity that make up a large part of my life today.

To those who have shared honestly with me both positives and constructive criticism, a simple thanks. Thanks to my personal support team including that small quiet voice of sanity. Thanks to those I worked with today. From that experience, I have been able to reflect and feel gratitude!

As my friend Dennis says”’nuff said.” I’ll let my eyes soak up the beauty outside my window for a few moments, and get back to it. Thanks for reading and more living to experience today!!

HUMOUR (don't lose it)

Posted: Jan. 19, 2010 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

   HUMOUR- Don't lose it!
Early in the process of life recovery I found that whatever sense of humour I had left had disappeared. I had trouble genuinely laughing, particularly at myself. I must say that over time, a sense of humour (sometimes twisted) returned to my life, and I love to laugh.
I'm not the greatest shopper in the world. My wife does not push it with me. I'd love to be able to say that the situations below were about me, but that wouldn't be true. I can say they did give me a great laugh and one day I'd love to try a few of them out!
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

   After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany heron her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

   Dear Mrs. Bray,
   Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
   Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

I hope this share brought at least one laugh or smile to your face. If it didn't, might be time for an attitude adjustment! I'd like to thank my friend Vickie Wisdom who shared this with me, and invite a few of you "glum lot" who might read this to share some humour on this site (and we'd love to see it at www.hopeserenity.ca) and please make sure, make at least a laugh a day a part of your life. It works as well as apples (or bananas) do!

WHAT MESSAGE DID YOU MOST WANT TO HEAR?

Posted: Jan. 8, 2010 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

What message did you most need to hear?

"One word frees us from the weight and pain of life; that word is love." --Sophocles

A great question and point of view from my mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. In reading the list below, one statement did strike me differently. Funny, as I looked back on my past as I began the journey of life recovery, not feeling this particular statement had a huge impact on how I developed and life unfolded.

In exploring the enneagram, Riso and Hudson have identified 'lost messages' that we needed to hear as children but didn't. The absence of these words may be at the heart of our most basic fear. And unconsciously we may still be seeking to hear these words from others.

Review the following messages and note if any one touches you more strongly than the others:

1. "You are good."
2. "You are wanted."
3. "You are loved for yourself."
4. "You are seen for who you are."
5. "Your needs are not a problem."
6. "You are safe."
7. "You will be taken care of."
8. "You will not be betrayed."
9. "Your presence matters."

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- Dinah Mulock

That word and that feeling.....love. I didn't feel like I got it, lost it for myself, and did things trying to get it. Without it for myself, I know today that I lost the ability to truly feel it for others. Today I feel it for me, and can give it unconditionally to you, and the other statements above just "are".
I invite you to share your thoughts about this article on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca.

LETTING GO! (through meditation)

Posted: Jan. 5, 2010 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

LETTING GO!
As we enter a new year and a new decade, how much garbage are we carrying with us?
Over the quiet times of the last few days, I have asked myself that question, and have tried as best I can to let go of the garbage of the past and enjoy the "NOW"! Easier said than done.
As part of my recovery journey, I try, on a daily basis, to take a personal inventory of recent occurrences. Where I have been wrong or where the seeds of resentment or negative feeling have been planted, I try to address the issue immediately and keep the slate clean. My burden is far less today than the heavy baggage I toted years ago.
I am a believer in meditation.
When it was first suggested to me that I make meditation a part of my daily living, I rolled my eyes. I had no idea what meditation was and had visions of monks in the Himalayas chanting, or sitting at the foot of some bearded guru, a flashback to my semi- hippie days.
Seems I'm not alone. As I work with others and they open up, many tell me they really have no idea about how to meditate. For me, who needs things simple, meditation is simply slowing down my brain chatter and allowing myself to "Listen to and Hear" the small quiet voice inside.
The following talks about simple meditation as it relates to "Letting Go". Read it, think about it, and even more important, try it! It gets easier and more important in the maintenance of "Life Balance" as you use it.
"Letting go is the first step towards new beginnings. You need to release old thoughts, grudges, hurts and disappointments.

Old habits may die hard, but with a few little steps you can be rid of them forever.

One very effective way of ridding yourself of excess emotional baggage, is through visualization.

Find yourself a nice peaceful place where you will be undisturbed. Ensure that you make yourself as comfortable as possible, take a deep breath, and relax.

Continue to breath slowly in…and out…in…and out…letting go of all tension in your body. When you are ready, let your eyes close, and relax…Now as you relax and continue to breath deeply, notice any unwanted thoughts that come to mind…breath in deeply… and breath out slowly through your mouth… as you breathe out, imagine blowing the unwanted thought into a balloon…see the balloon expand as images of the unwanted thought are captured…continue to breath deeply… and blow any remaining images into the balloon…Now imagine a cord being tied tightly around the neck of the balloon…and as you now breathe out, let go of the balloon…letting go…a quietness of spirit…watch as the balloon drifts slowly away…notice the feeling of freedom and total relaxation as the balloon drifts… further… and further away…out of sight…out of mind…

This technique can be repeated as often as you feel the need, you can use the visualization for as many unwanted thoughts and images as you like. With practise, you will even be able visualize and release a whole bunch of unwanted thought balloons together, and watch as they slowly float away into oblivion."

It is amazing once you are use to it, how peaceful things can get simply by listening to the sound of your own breath (life) entering and departing and the answers you get in this quiet time! No mountains, no gurus, just some quality quiet time. Love to hear the results you get when you try it. Comments on this site or at www.hopeserenity.ca appreciated!

SOME THOUGHTS ENTERING 2K10

Posted: Dec. 31, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

SOME THOUGHTS ENTERING 2K10

Make 2K10 your best year ever! I think this is something we all want.

While not an exhaustive list, here are some "action" items for you to think about. Outcome is determined by your action. Nothing happens without a plan, a source to hold you accountable and your action.

1. Create a personal career plan

As we have mentioned in previous columns, it is vital for successful professionals to have an overall career plan that sets career objectives and defines strategies for success. Consider it as your roadmap to where you want (or sometimes don't want) to be. The more precise you can be about your vision for your future career, the more likely it is that you will attain it. You may want to explore using a career coach to help you navigate and avoid any minefields on your journey. If you struggle with planning and goal setting, we can help.

2. Create a personal life plan

Your career is only a part of your life, so you must put your career plan in perspective of your broader life plan. For some people, their plan is to work for several years to save enough to retire early and build their dream house, while others want to balance work and life. There are as many plan possibilities as you can imagine. Whatever you wish to accomplish in your life has a much higher probability of coming to fruition if you actively plan for it to happen. Don't forget that not planning becomes a Plan to Nowhere.

3. Create yearly goals

A long-term career and life plan needs short-term goals to make it happen, so if you don't do this already, you should set goals for yourself that are SMART - specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time-bound. So “putting aside some money for a rainy day” is not a SMART goal, but “have at least $5,000 in my savings account by the end of this year by putting aside $100 per week from my part-time job” is a SMART goal. A coach’s approach!

4. Understand your personal values

We all have inherent values, such as love, security, integrity, faith, etc., that are important to us in how we live our lives. From A Christmas Carol and other holiday feel-good movies to the many cards and greetings sending best wishes, the holiday period is naturally a time to look at our values and realign them if necessary. It is very easy for our everyday work-a-day, hectic and over-stressed existence to become the norm. Career, addiction and life stresses often develop because we are not living our lives in accordance to our values, so reconnect with them. Like a well-built house, these should be the foundation of a happy and healthy life.

5. Learn something new every day

Vow to look on life over the next year as a big opportunity to learn more about yourself, others, and the world we all share. Help to bring it out of you is available.

6. Keep healthy

While this can also be considered a personal value for many (see number four), it is a central part of everyone's existence, so don't neglect your physical and mental health. Gyms and health clubs see a spike in memberships in January that tapers off quickly, so try to come up with a regimen that you will adhere to. One tip is to make it part of your regular routine - before or after work, for example.

7. Keep focused on your family and friends

Most of us would rank family and friends very highly on our personal values list, but ask yourself, are you spending the right amount of quality time with them? It can be easy to focus on other areas of our lives, (like work), to the detriment of our relationships. If you want to focus more on the important people in your lives, make it one of your SMART goals for 2010.

8. Enjoy your job

We spend a large chunk of our time at work, so it goes without saying that we should enjoy what we do for the 1/3 of each and every work day. While it can sound trite to simply say “Enjoy your job” it can end up being the net result of achieving success on the previous steps outlined above. If you cannot see yourself loving (or at least liking) what you do, talk to a career counsellor about your options - we all have options, so don't limit yourself through self-imposed constraints.

9. Worry less

I'm talking about not sweating the small stuff, which takes a predominant and undeserved role in the lives of many of our clients. Try calming techniques such as meditation and exercise to help you. Think back five or 10 years ago - can you even remember what was stressing you then? Don't sweat the small stuff and always ask, “How important is it?"

10. Network more

Networking is like insurance - you don't need it until you need it. Make sure that you stay connected with old acquaintances and strive to make new ones. A nice personalized card can certainly help you along the way.

A challenge to you, take action and make 2K10 your best year ever. That is the plan for you if you let it happen! (www.hopeserenity.ca)

EACH OF US HAS RIGHTS!

Posted: Dec. 23, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

EACH OF US HAS RIGHTS!

Me? I have rights too?

As I hit a point that today I know as my bottom, inside I did not feel well. I had learned to stuff emotions and feels like putting trash in a garbage bag, and the bag has exceeded full and things smelt!

I had forgotten and quit living as an equal human among humans, a direct result of losing self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. I had forgotten that as a human, I had rights.

Christmas will soon be upon us. It can be a very difficult time of year for many. I remember the days that it was a tough season for me. In my case it had nothing to do with the material, but everything to do with the emotional. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with my emotions and what I believed to be the expectations of others.

For those of you who may be feeling the seasonal struggle, I offer you the following list of "rights". Use them as an affirmation. Copy them, stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and read them repeatedly. We all have rights.

As a PERSON, you have the RIGHT to...

1. direct the course of your own life and dissolve negative behaviour patterns.

2. all your feelings and a right to express these feelings

3. trust your feelings, perceptions, judgment, intuition and inner experience.

4. be believed.

5. say NO!

6. develop a life-style that is comfortable for you.

7. leave the company of anyone who fails to respect you as a person.

8. privacy and personal space.

9. a healthy, loving sexually exciting, non-abusive relationship with a person you choose as a lover.

10. refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except yourself.

11. happiness, love, health and peace regardless of the past.

12. develop yourself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually.

As we approach a new year, remember this list of rights. If you want to work at achieving more of them in your life, there is a way! Right number 12 is particularly important and is exactly what I see the process of life recovery to be. It is the essence of the journey I continue on and work to help others to find. A happy, abundant, holistic life.

If I can help you through a conversation to start this process and take back your rights, please contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca. If you know of others who are struggling, please send this article to them as a gift of hope!

FINDING PEACE INSIDE

Posted: Dec. 1, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

Finding Peace Inside

I look forward each week to getting my "Idea Engineer" from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons. His weekly writing generally sparks a thought within, and this week that is particularly true.

If I could paraphrase how I felt when I hit bottom in my life, a good way of looking at it may be "hitting a point where I was devoid of peace inside".

That being said, the process of co-creative life recovery maybe described as the journey to restore internal and abundant peace.

"All spiritual disciplines are done with a view to still the mind. The perfectly still mind is universal spirit." -- Swami Ramdas

Getting into the habit of meditating, praying and/or resting daily helps us pull back from our preoccupation with the material world. In silence and solitude, we have an opportunity to pay attention to what's happening inside rather than outside.

When we do this consistently, we learn to relax and to quiet and detach from our mental chatter and our turbulent emotions. As we begin to witness ourselves in personality, we also begin to experience our soul.

"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent. ... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." -- Eknath Easwaran

I am fortunate. To the questions that are put forth by Easwaran, I can answer yes to a greater or lesser degree. Work in progress, but through the spiritual practises referred to, I have made major progress. It has been a learned behaviour "taught" by others and the learning fell on an ever increasing opening mind.

That soul referred to has always been there, a part of me I learned not to listen to. I can remember the times I always felt alone, even amongst others. I lived in a world dominated by mind chatter and turbulent emotions and would not take the opportunity to "hear" that small quiet voice, that of my soul, talking to me. I gave up on this part of me; it never deserted me, and was there when I learned how to listen. The voice of internal peace.

My life today is focused on being of service to others. If I, in a small way, can help those who relate to this in finding peace, it will help me grow! I can be found through hopeserenity.ca- the home of Coached to Success and Hope & Serenity. New members are always welcome.

SEARCHING ??

Posted: Nov. 24, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

SEARCHING??

I think I spent a good part of my adult life searching.

Searching for what?

Serenity, peace, hope, optimism, a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin, love, deer relationships, material success, acceptance by others..and the list goes on.

Today, I read a great reminder, a quote sent by a friend from a book of truths. I'll share:

The Search

I walked all night long, the whole distance. . .

And I came into my apartment and I collapsed on the floor.

I lay there breathing kind of heavily and I said to myself,

"Oh, to hell with serenity. I don't care if it ever comes."

And I meant it. And do you know what happened?

All of a sudden the craving to find serenity utterly evaporated --

and in its place was serenity. The trouble was the search --

looking out there for what was right here.

- The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 142

Thought to Ponder . . .

I can find on the outside only what I possess on the inside.

It is funny how life works. After years of searching and not finding, I was guided to the answer. It was in me all along. A real trip to get so low and wonderful trip co-created with the help of others to get out! On a daily basis I am able to find "IT". (hopeserenity.ca/coached to success)

IQ of a HOUSE PLANT

Posted: Nov. 21, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

IQ of a HOUSE PLANT

I just got off the phone with a client, and was once again reminded how complicated bright people can make life.

Last night I attended a meeting, and on a board was the message “Keep It Simple”. I think it is a message most of those who read this and are going through recovery should have tattooed in neon in a visible place.

We were not all created equal from an intelligence quotient point of view. Some got more than others. How it is put to use is another different subject. Most people I have met that need major life change are not short on capacity but have used the capacity to complicate the heck out of life; and have taken themselves to a point of moments of insanity.

From testing, I know that I have more than average capacity. In some ways I’ve used it productively, in other ways I allowed my intellect to make things that should have been simple very complicated. Today I intellectualize less and that is a miracle!

What would life be like if a person had the IQ of a house plant, and was able to live a simple life and face situations head on without complicating? I have a feeling it would be far more serene than what many of us create.

My client has faced his addiction, and through today, has not been active for a good period of time, in a behavior than was taking the most important things in his life away from him. You would think that he’d be thrilled and those around him would be also.

Yet, during today’s session, that scary thought from him. “Rationally, I can’t explain what has happened to cause the change.” For bright people it is hard to just accept and not need a detailed explanation. It was a meaningful discussion.

Miracles are not rational! I have finally been able to accept that in my own life.

Those in recovery, look around you. They say recovery is a simple program for complicated people, and isn’t that the truth. Anyone going to write a book (or maybe they have) - Recovery for Dummies?

“Keep It Simple”. As we face challenges, may all of us remember the humble house plant that spreads its leaves, is aesthetically pleasing and just gives and accepts nurturing from others while remaining firmly rooted! Oh for the IQ of a house plant. (hopeserenity.ca)

FREEDOM

Posted: Nov. 20, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

Freedom from addiction comes through creation.

Now and again I hit an article from a "friend" which I find much thought provoking and it makes a great point. I have had the privilege of freely exchanging thoughts and ideas with my friend Patrick M at www.spiritualriver.com. Both of us believe that is a huge amount of room to improve the recovery rate (arguably less than 10% today) through building on some of the proven things that work and taking key elements as a foundation. I had the opportunity to dialogue with Patrick as the Creative Theory evolved, and by adding a coaching piece to the theory, am constantly developing a +Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery".

In the article I have reproduced below, Patrick talks to addictions. My own experience has taught me it applies to others important life issues beyond addictions.

"Consider the following quote:

“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” – William Blake

How does anyone stay clean and sober? They do it by figuring out a system for living. We might think that we stay sober by following a program, but that is a bit of an illusion. We only stay sober by applying a program. There is a difference and, ultimately, the difference is in personal application.

“Programs of recovery” are just suggestions….they are meaningless until we attempt to apply them in our lives. I see people constantly try to make recovery programs out to be much more objective than they actually are. They talk about how someone relapsed because “they were working their program of recovery instead of working the program of recovery.”

This is a big mistake, in my opinion. What do you think the point of having daily AA meetings is? So that people can discuss the multitude of different ways to apply a program of recovery to their lives. If the program was truly objective, like many purists claim it to be, then we would not need so many meetings, so many discussions, so many clarifications and interpretations. But, it is all about practical application.

The fact is that any program of recovery has to be interpreted by the individual and then applied in their unique situation in order to produce results in the real world. Just taking a set of principles and saying that they are the path to salvation is rather meaningless. How do you actually apply that path in your unique life?

And how is it that two individuals who interpret a program differently can both achieve long term sobriety in spite of those differences? And yet we see this happening all the time, in many different ways. For example, take meditation. There are some people with multiple years in recovery who have never really meditated. They just don’t do it. It is not their thing. I know several people like this. They are still spiritual…..they might pray, they might work with others in recovery, but they do not meditate. Ever. Yet they have a strong recovery.

Compare this now to someone in recovery who is an absolute meditation guru. Practically all they do is meditate. It is the backbone of their recovery program. They, too, have a strong program.

Two extreme opposites…yet they both find success in recovery. So much for an objective program.

With a truly objective program, anomalies like this would not exist.

But they do.

So what gives?

What is really going on with any “program” of recovery?

* Creation is taking these principles that are working for others and then making them your own.

* Creation is discovering what works for you, and using it to succeed in recovery.

* Creation is living with passion and purpose and taking real action to achieve real results in recovery.

Many people who work a traditional program of recovery are involved with the act of creation. They are leading by example, and they are getting real results in recovery by taking action and applying the concepts to their daily life. They are not whining and complaining. They are not victims. Instead, they are creating change. Taking action. Pushing themselves to continue growing. And so on.

Creative recovery is just that: creative. You are creating a new life for yourself through positive, daily action. Spiritual development is not the thrust of it. Action is.

Here is the kicker though: they are the same thing. Action and spiritual development. If you take positive action in your recovery, then that is spiritual action.

Consider:

* Reaching out to help another addict.

* Exercising or meditating on a regular basis (or both).

* Working to improve your relationships by strengthening the good ones and eliminating the toxic ones.

* Taking better care of yourself through better nutrition/fitness and quitting bad habits.

* Using all of the above to build real self esteem and help protect yourself from relapse.

How are any of these actions not spiritual in nature? They are all ways that can directly or indirectly draw you closer to your higher power, if that is your ultimate intention. Better health through holistic growth. Creation through personal growth. These are the keys to recovery.

Yes, you can achieve this by using a “program.” But no, a “program” is not really necessary. You will have to judge for yourself how much a program is helping you achieve these ends versus merely distracting you from what is really important.

Consider the quote again:

“I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”

Recovery is your responsibility. Regardless of whether or not you are working a program, you have to ultimately apply it and make it work for you. In this way you create your own success in recovery. You must create by adapting the program to your life."

Got some thoughts on this? Please post them at www.hopeserenity.ca.

AUTHORING YOUR "LIFE" LIBRARY

Posted: Nov. 19, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

AUTHORING YOUR “LIFE” LIBRARY

I must admit, I had never considered my life like a personal library. Them I received the following quote and reflection that made me ponder. Ever thought of things in these terms?

Life is like a library owned by an author. In it are a few books, which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.
--Harry Emerson Fosdick

“In our minds there are multitudes of stored memories, knowledge, and skills. Some of these are the results of living and learning, but most are information given to us by others. Our family, friends, co-workers, teachers, and children are the greatest sources for our storehouses of information.

Most of our learning comes from others. Teachers give us much in the way of facts. Our family instructs us in morals. Friends show us different personalities and lifestyles. Our children reflect what we've taught them and give us their views of the world.” (KB-scary to think about!)

“All the information we have is valuable to our growth and maturity. Every person we meet, each place we visit, and everything we try contribute to our library of knowledge and experience. At times we may borrow from what is on our shelves, but we must keep our shelves stocked with fresh material. Each night we can write a new volume based on the day's experiences.

I have more valuable contributions to make to my library of knowledge and experience.”

So now I am more understanding as to where my knowledge of addictive behaviors came from, and the impact I had on others. I may own my history, but as the quote from Fosdick says, much of my history was written for me!

During the process of co-creative life recovery, I have been given the courage to make major changes, and the history I am currently creating has a much more positive spin to it! In what I am doing today, I am authoring more valuable contributions to my library.

Is it something you would like to author for your personal library? (www.hopeserenity.ca).

REFLECTIONS

Posted: Nov. 18, 2009 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

Category: Positive Thoughts

REFLECTIONS

I have been running reasonably hard for a while, and have not taken the time to just sit in the quiet, reflect, and put thoughts to paper.

It has been an eventful period in our lives since early February; the time of a relocation of homes for us.

We moved from a very urban and diversified setting to a small (17,500) rural town. I must admit, the adjustment has been a positive one for me; slower pace and people say hello (in English) and very little traffic congestion. The air is cleaner and insurance, gas, and a number of other things (including golf) much less expensive. We have a new home that I really love and much more opportunity for daily serenity.

My two youngest grand kids live very close and I've enjoyed going to their activities. I've even enjoyed babysitting and seeing that I can still change a diaper when need be (although the monkey has now turned 3 and has few accidents). Its funny how much more enjoyable things are with grand kids than kids; they go home and all you have to do is love them

From a work perspective, things have not been as busy as they were prior to the move. I have been to caught up in "adjusting" to do the things I need to do to build my practise, and locally coaching is not understood to the level it was in a much larger and urban center.

My clients have been varied. I have had the privilege of working with a man in his 30's who has fought life long depression and self-esteem (most of my clients have self-esteem issues) issues and have witnessed his break through to sunshine. He always wanted to be a teacher. Today he is attending school to finish his qualifications and acing it! I've worked with a couple of lawyers, both battling addiction and issues related to alcohol/drugs. To both of them, confidentiality and one-on-one work was of top priority. Neither is drinking or using today, both are setting goals and moving forward! I've worked with an under achieving financial advisor, a lady who was unemployed and needed focus, people with relationship issues (including the relationship with self), and all are making progress they are happy with. It does feel good to be able to help them find what they have always had but didn't know where to look.

I have had to make some big changes in my own recovery program.

I had been a member of a 12 step group for many many years and think the world of that group. It was a place I belonged, I knew people and they new me. From that group, many friendships were forged.

After searching for a "fit" in fellowships in my new town, I have found a group that I like. I must remember how long it took me to really feel like I belonged in my old group, and know, with time, I will feel as comfortable.

I have always been active in service, particularly in sponsorship. I have continued sponsoring others in my old location, others who have really started a journey. A few who continue to slip and slide I have worked with to help them find someone new, someone who is personally there. I have maintained relationships.

I am sponsoring a person in my new town, and hope, over time, that I attract some newcomers. I get so much out of this area of service including staying very much in touch with reality!

I have strong faith that tells me things will work out!

I continue to blog frequently as my form of journaling. Nice to get thoughts outside of self and get feedback- pro and con! Even some that is really negative stuff. But then that is life. Quite often a get a note from someone (an electronic voice) that tells me what I have written has helped or generated thought. Makes it worthwhile!

I've had fun working with Ben (myBDMwebsite) in creating a new web site (www.hopeserenity.ca). It is a labour of love and a pet project. I would really like to get YOU and others active on the site. Does it reflect my business? Yes. But hopefully it will have lots of free stuff on it that will help others find life recovery, hope and serenity. I try to give freely of blocks of time to help where I can, and enjoy having a forum where others can share.

I have loved the new local golf course I joined, have been active and have met some really wonderful people. I think this winter I'll have an opportunity to use some of my experience in the golf business and club business to hopefully make a positive difference to the club users locally. Rather than sit back and complain, I'd rather listen and work to make a positive difference in areas where I can.

Nice to just sit back and reflect. I really am appreciative of those that read my musings and give constructive feedback (and occasionally referrals).

In reading over what I have just pecked out, I am filled with gratitude with what my higher power has done in my life and the blessings and life that I have. Things have come with hard work, set backs and pain and the help of others, both professionals and "friends". From inside, I located the source of my life, and was given the courage to change and continue the life long process of life recovery; and a life free from addictions.

PS- for those who have asked about my son who is new to recovery; so far so good. He has a seasoned sponsor and is starting the steps.